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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

"YOU sort it out" COP26 leaders tell public

World leaders have told the general public that they're just going to have to pull their weight in tackling climate change, because governments aren't going to stop burning things on a colossal scale any time soon.

In a statement from the COP26 talks in Glasgow, governments unified in their condemnation of people for "not shouldering their share of the guilt and effort required to save the planet."

"Have you considered only shopping at those places where you bring your own tupperware?"

"If you're not recycling your jamjars properly or taking your kids to school precariously balanced on bikes in all weathers in rush-hour traffic, then frankly the melting ice caps are on you. Possibly literally, in a few years."

The industrial-scale use of a 200-year old technology of burning really old plants simply had to continue, governments said, "because reasons."

"You can't expect us to phase out fossil fuels as long as you don't feel the requisite amount of shame for eating sausages or buying things that might have come from a long way away," the statement said.

"The polar bears are watching you, and they're like really judgy at the moment, people."

The general public couldn't be reached for comment, as its too busy binge-watching Squid Game, in the misapprehension that governments would kinda take care of the planet thing.

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