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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

With Ukraine fixed, Macron eyes West-Bank, Oasis peace pact, and egg-chicken conundrum

Having fixed the Ukraine crisis this week, French President Emmanuel Macron is now turning his global statesman magic touch to the rest of the world's long-standing Big Issues.

Macron confident he's solved age-old dispute

First up is the oceans and climate change.

Then he has pledged to solve the West Bank dispute once and for all, before turning to the middle east's woes more widely.

Having successfully pooled the EU's defence capabilities and found a workaround for the Northern Ireland Protocol, Macron is then slated to resolve heated discord over Kashmir and Nagorno-Karabakh, and whether it was indeed the egg or the chicken that came first.

Godzilla and King Kong, meanwhile, are expected to sign a long-awaited Paris Peace Agreement, before the French President brokers an Oasis reunion, proves the Riemann Hypothesis and comes up with a way to make VAR workable in football.

Asked whether he'd also end the EU's struggle with its own relevance and public image, Macron said "Soyez pas con, I'm not a miracle worker."

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