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  • Writer's pictureMartini Seltzermayr

Twitter to delete EU commission accounts over "boring" content

US hate-basin Twitter has announced it will permanently suspend the accounts of all 27 EU commissioners, citing “horrifically boring” content.

An endless slew of vapid truisms and poorly hashtagged EU jargon pose the risk of creating dangerous levels of disinterest in the EU political process, the company believes.

“These euro-accounts threaten to numb impressionable young minds,” a spokesperson for Twitter told Berlaymonster.

Commissioners being stuck in their offices has meant that an initial wave of conventionally dull photoshoots-of-suits-shaking-hands has been replaced by a more aggressively insipid strain of clutching-phone-handset-while-gazing, as previously reported by Berlaymonster.

Commissioner Kunardocz "unaware" of Twitter's move. Or of Twitter at all.

Allowing the constant churn of inconsequential platitudes to continue could lead to radical and extreme levels of EU ennui, the bizarrely addictive site believes.

The move has produced a strong if incomprehensible backlash from members of the EU’s executive, some of whom tweet only weekly, but all weakly.

“The #actions of Twitter underline the case for moving towards a constructive, sustainable and #balanced EU regulation of the so-called “social” medias - see my #speech to #EULobbyFest2021£0sisu,” tweeted EU Commissioner for Content Union, Network Markets and Oh My God Even His Job Title is a Ball-Ache Thierry Breton, in perhaps his last ever posting.

A late and seemingly forced move to inject some humour into otherwise aggressively bland content was rejected as “too little, too late” by Twitter.

“Enough is enough,” the spokesperson said. “I mean it’s like watching your dad dancing at a wedding, isn’t it?”

Asked if he would also be removing the accounts of other prominent EU politicians such as President of the Committee of the Regions Apostolos Tzitzikostas (1) the Twitter spokesperson said, “Who?”

(1) No really, it’s true, I looked it up on Wikipedia and everything

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