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  • Writer's pictureAltiero Spaghetti

Shock in London as Tory HQ relocates to the Netherlands

The British Conservative party is relocating its headquarters to Amsterdam, after a court ordered the Tories to slash their corruption omissions by 2030.

The surprise move came hours after the news that Shell is quitting the Netherlands for London.

“It’s a dirty corporate brand that is one of the worst polluters in society,” said Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte. “But at least it’s not Shell.”

"It's one shell company for another. And these guys bring in more money" added Rutte.

There were immediately concerns inside the Tory party about the damage the relocation could have on the British economy, with millions of pounds worth of MPs’ second jobs at risk.

As part of its restructuring and the move to the Netherlands, the Conservative party will now change its official name from Royal British Tories to Sleaze BV.

Some analysts pointed out that very little will likely change after the straight swap. “Both keep themselves running by tapping a vast underbelly of dead matter that was formed in the dinosaur era,” one said. “And that will likely continue for a long time.” Although Shell's is a dwindling resource, whereas the Tory party appears to have found an increasing renewable supply.

Shell’s relocation to London, meanwhile, is in doubt because there are not enough lorry drivers available to help them move.

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