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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

Revue review

‘Monster editorial is still recovering from the Brussels Press Revue this weekend. The annual bunfight, put on by an unlikely ad hoc group of hacks and friends, regularly baffles the organisers with its popularity.

And as with all top-flight sell-out stage events, dodgy blackmarket privately-recorded clips have already started appearing on the interwebsuperhighway.

Here’s Teresa singing Stranglers hit Golden Brown, except with the lyrics cleverly rewritten to … wait for it …. ‘Gordon Brown’ …

It must have hit the mark though, as one unnamed senior British civil servant present was reported to be ‘laughing like a drain’ throughout. He’d have also enjoyed chief scribe Geoff Meade’s take-off of Tony Blair applying for the post of EU Council President in the former PM’s infamously ropey French: “dans moi, vous gettez … non …. vous ‘getteriez’…”

Champagne moment, however, must go to seasoned lobbyist and Press Revue stalwart John Robinson. His Shakespearean monologue bewailing the European Commission’s ‘Transparency’ initiative was already a feat of writing and performance far beyond the usual level. But it was all the more piquant for being performed in front of the very author of the Transparency initiative, commissioner for administrative affairs Siim Kallas.

Sat provocatively in the front row the moustachioed EC VIP and VP was right in John’s sightline.

Thankfully, then, having grinned uncomfortably initially, the commissioner beamed and chuckled as Robinson weighed in with:

“Alas, poor Kallas, There are more things in heaven and earth, commissioner, Than are dreamt of in your Transparency.”

On a far less cultured level, this is one submission that didn’t make it in Saturday’s show, given the commissioner’s presence … flanked by his missus:

‘Tis said that commissioner Kallas, Is endowed with a very large phallus, Ask his wife if it’s true, She’ll say “How dare you”, And strike you with forethought and malice.

Finally, to the Berlaymonster fans present who whooped at the mention of ‘kuñardocz‘ during one sketch: thanks to both of you.

A l’annee prochaine.


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