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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

Luxembourg to be privatised

EU officials announced yesterday that Luxembourg is to be privatised. A competition launched to celebrate 50 years of union saw the Grand Duchy beat other contenders – chiefly Estonia and Malta – to the top place.

“In the spirit of an entirely free market, the Commission is thrilled to announce that from 1st January 2010, the entire nation of Luxembourg will be run as a private company. This will represent untold opportunity for employment, investment and advancement of industry,” said the EU’s chief spokesperson, Gunther Von Feuerwehr.

The privatisation of a whole nation is far from being a novel concept, as the United States was sold to the hands of the corporation as long as 75 years ago, but this is the first time that citizens will be paid to live in a member-state, as taxes will be abolished.

Long seen as a tax-haven, Luxembourg will now attract top performers from Deloitte and Touche, McKinsey and Ernst and Young, keen to see their profits grow unhindered by state interference.

A call for tenders will be launched at the beginning of 2008, and interested parties are thought to include Coca Cola, George Soros and Stelios Haji-Ioannou. Bookies favourite, however, is Richard Branson, who is likely to rename the state the “European Virgin Low-Cost Destination of the Year” in 2011.

Outraged members of the Luxembourgish Chamber of Deputies were unavailable for comment as Berlaymonster went to press.

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