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  • Writer's pictureMartini Seltzermayr

GAS LEAK! Those EU energy-saving tips in full

The EU today definitively agreed its tentative-definitely-not-full-of-loopholes plans to cut gas consumption by 15%. A leaked document seen by Berlaymonster shows just how the bloc is going to cope with a potential full-on Putin strop.

Someone's going to be busy.

- To meet the 15% cut, EU citizens will be urged to take one shower less each week (or, in the case of the French, one less per year)

- The EU ban on burning copies of the Lisbon Treaty will be lifted

- An innovative carbon capture and storage mechanism will be attached to the speeches of soon-to-be-low-energy-fire-brand MEP Guy Verhofstadt

- Belgian men feeling the cold are being urged to put on an extra third sweater, on top of the one they’re already wearing and the other one perched daintily around their shoulders

- EU ‘lines to take’ will now be repurposed as equine-origin organic fertilizer

- Concrete action plans can now be exceptionally abstract

- Commissioners will now be obliged to carshare (with their driver)

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