France deports second-home Brits

Reacting to mounting political pressure, Paris has been shipping the occasional residents back to Britain, amid claims they have been gentrifying the countryside and patronising the locals a bit.

European Commissioner for Herself, Viviane Reding, made matters worse this week, when she compared the situation to Napoleon’s 1793 evacuation of the British from Toulon.

Her comments fomented post-Trafalgar resentment, prompting a tirade from an improbably-named French minister.

The ousted Brits, returning with a bootful of an absolutely darling white from a little vineyard down the road and a ‘distressed’ antique chest from a chap in the village, were heard to be muttering something about ‘the Algarve.’