France has secured a significant ally in its dispute with the UK over access to the waters around Jersey, with fish siding firmly with the French.
A spokesfish said it was "far more preferable" to get landed by French fisherman rather than British.
“We’d much rather be sautéed in beurre noisette and capers, or nappés with a delicate beurre blanc or mousseline and dressed with a chiffonade of parsley, or bathe in a luxurious vermouth- and cognac-infused bisque."
"The alternative is to get doused in batter and deep fried to oblivion alongside cheap sausages and mars bars, or chopped into stick shapes and breadcrumbed.” the spokesfish said.
“A can of Fanta is no match to a crisp Picpoul or a dry Chablis. And what the fuck are ‘mushy peas’ anyway?”
“Besides, we can’t stand the way the Brits always resort to a barrage of fish puns every time we’re in the headlines. Every time.”
The spokesfish denied reports than a shoal of gurnard had been seen flipping the fin at British gunboats.