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  • Writer's pictureMartini Seltzermayr

Facebook threatens to leave EU unless you share this post with five friends

Social media giant Facebook has threatened it will pull services out of the EU if you don’t immediately re-share this post, tagging your five closest and wealthiest friends.

Would-be Hollywood villain Mark Zuckerberg told investors that he was prepared to close down operations within the bloc unless its 187 million users immediately revealed their year of birth, shoe size and top five quirky ways to spend disposable income.

That threat has caused jitters in the corridors of EU power, not least due to a well-financed communications campaign today launched by the European League of Distant Acquaintances.

ELDA warn the move by Facebook could mean hundreds of millions of seven-year-old awkward social gatherings could go unremembered, with countless birthdays unremarked by even the most cursory of pre-drafted messages.

ELDA, an unlikely coalition of relatives you didn’t speak to in a while and colleagues from your job before last, are hoping their online #SaveFacebook petition can attract 111,000 signatures, a move which they hope will bring them them one step closer to the goal of 112,000.

At the latest count it had been shared by that guy your sister dated briefly who seemed nice enough, and Maria, the one who always smiled at you on reception, or was that the other one.

But rival lobby group the Union of Data Protection Harridans today said Facebook’s claims were overcooked.

“I remember when MySpace looked like it was collapsing, and we all survived that,” a UDPH spokesperson said.

“Anyway, even if we can’t communicate on Facebook, we’ll still have Messenger, Instagram and WhatsA-............ oh...”

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