This week’s EU summit is going to be “fairly standard and not at all extraordinary, crucial or even crunch”, European Council President Charles Michel has told the bloc’s leaders.
In his customary invitation letter sent to EU heads of state and government on the eve of the meeting – seen and mostly memorised by Berlaymonster – Michel said “this week’s gathering is not going to be that big of a deal, don’t worry about it.”
An earlier draft agenda for the summit had included a list of hot political topics on which leaders were maybe going to take stock or at least appear to go through the motions, but now even that level of ambiguity is uncertain.
There were also hopes that leaders might finally object to the elephant in the room. The one in the ill-fitting suit. But expectations are now that they'll resort to the usual skirting diplomatically around the elephant so as not to anger it. And certainly not mention the suit either.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Michel wrote. “We’re going to talk about some things, I guess.”
Michel, a former Prime Minister of the Belgians, has appeared even more off his game than usual since the recent Sofa-gate controversy. The tone of his letter was described by one analyst as “a kind of morose funk – and not the good funk. Like most Belgians, he always claps off the beat.”
Michel noted in his letter: “At our last meeting, we agreed to put off decisions until the next summit. I think that strategy has worked well for us and I’m not about to change it.”
The Council president added that the summit’s first day would include the usual working dinner of leaders. “I don’t know, I was thinking we order some takeout Thai, then maybe Netflix and chill,” Michel wrote. “Whatever.”