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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

EU unveils further policy navigation metaphors

"Is that a small elongated knoll or an implementing act up ahead?"

There was a time when a Roadmap would suffice for policy watchers to find their way around the EU's intentions. In more recent times that became accompanied with a Compass to help know which way to hold the Roadmap and know which direction the Russians will be coming from.

And now there are "lighthouses" too, but they're only any good if you're all at sea.

With the EU still losing its way and no closer to its desired destinations, further orienteering-themed metaphors are now necessary.

Under proposals under discussion, new legislative initiatives will soon come with a policy "sextant," so that decision makers can work out their latitude in institutional negotiations.

There'll also be a small metaphorical "emergency whistle" to metaphorically blow on if a government official or MEP spot a metaphorical mud-slide ahead, or become bogged down in detail or lobbying position papers. However it'll only be effective within roughly a 100m radius.

In order to future-proof proposals, particularly with climate change resulting in increasingly volatile and unpredictable weather, Roadmaps will come in a protection mechanism known as a policy "waterproof folder" to prevent the non-paper it's not made of from getting watered down and falling apart, with an accompanying policy "neck strap" to keep the route guide safe and close at hand.

Initial drafts also included plans for an EU policy "anorak", until someone pointed out that Brussels is already full of those.

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