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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

EU to replace Scientific Adviser with ‘more holistic’ role

The European Commission has decided to replace its scrapped Chief Scientific Adviser position with a “more holistic” role “better suited to our post-science era.”

According to the notice announcing the change, the successful candidate should be able to “look beyond the bounds of scientific orthodoxy” in order to “add to the EU’s regulatory toolkit with a wider array of possible responses.”

Where science fails, resort to bunkum.

The aim is to break the deadlock on political issues that science and facts have been unable to resolve.

The stalemate on GMOs, for example, which ‘scientists’ say are perfectly safe, could be lifted if there were a way to protect crops by placing crystals in the fields. Or something.

Similarly, objections to acknowledging US food-production standards could be treated by ingesting a water solution containing a sub-molecular amount of chlorine-washed chicken.

The first task of the “Holistic Guidance Maven” will be to establish an advisory panel to recommend options for realigning Europe’s chakras, and to draft a strategy for a Positive Energy Union.


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