English will no longer be the go-to language for conducting EU affairs, the European Commission has announced, following complaints from Paris that anglo-hegemony had left officials communicating in a kind of 'anglais cassé.".
Instead, EU business will be conducted from now on in Belgian French, it's understood.
The compromise came about following agreement that German was just a nein-nein, and that they couldn't let the French have their way altogether now could they.
Officials therefore settled on Belgian French as the new official language of EU business, in a nod to the EUHQ's chosen location and in a bid to be seen to be appeasing France, while annoying them at the same time.
In a statement, the Elysée said "nous ne pouvons pas accepter ce compromis," claiming English had become "une langue monopole depuis son introduction en soixante-treize," but that Belgian French was "incompréhensible."
"Ah oui, mais non," said an EU statement in response. "Ils cherchent misère un peu, non, ces Frouzes?? Qu'ils ne *savent* pas accepter une langue, courante chez nous depuis *septante-trois*, ils n'ont qu'à le savoir, si ça cloppe pas pour eux, dit.
Fieu."