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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

EU telecoms eurocrats get the management consultants in

€2 million euro contract available – but only if you can understand it

The European Commission’s department for telecoms policies (‘DG Infso’) is having an internal shake-up, to try and find a bit of political direction and profile.

In its ranks, the ‘Information Society’ directorate general has 103 people listed as working in a team dedicated to ‘Policy Coordination & Strategy’. A further 24 people work in ‘Press and communication’ (count them yourself if you find that hard to believe).

But apparently these officials, and the 1,000 others that work in DG Infso, and the EU Commissioner Neelie Kroes in charge of telecoms stuff, and her ‘cabinet’ team advising her, are not enough to do the job.

Instead, DG Infso has put out a ‘call for tender‘ for external consultants to do the job for them.

At a cost of up to two million euros.

The upside is the contracts may never get filled, as they’re utterly incomprehensible, written in a combination of the worst excesses of euro-jargon and management-speak.

The title alone is enough to scare anyone off:

“Multiple Framework Contracts for the provision of support services facilitating Strategic Decision Processes and Future Vision and Mission Statements”

But read further, and you discover the job requires “strategic thinking, visioning, resilience and change acceptance.”

The successful candidate must be “flexible enough to do swift recalibrations within a realm where competing futures constantly impact the daily life.”

The main aim, it trumpets, “is to secure success via adapting the management models of management whatever the given conditions are.”

Yes, the ‘management models of management.’

Or perhaps you’re equipped to provide a “model of perception and analysis of the environment in which DG INFSO gravitates.”

Or maybe you can come up with a “strategic toolkit” to “comprise a set of theoretic instruments that allow continuous strategic processing of the challenges DG INFSO confronts.”

If you know what a “strategic interest map” is, you may also be in luck.

Above all, you’ll need to know that “Underpinning tools include game theory, formal modelling and relevance trees.”

For those of you unacquainted with what a relevance tree might be, BM has done a mock-up of what one such diagram might look like for DG Infso itself:

That’ll be two million euros, thanks.


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