EU pledges ultimate rescue measures, as ‘bored with brink’
EU governments this week pledged to take urgent action to save a continent that has spent the past part of four years on the brink of collapse.
At a meeting in Brussels, EU ministers said the rescue measures had now become vital, as the pre-apocalypse precipice had become “boring.”
“There’s only so long that the EU can be in a constant state of teetering,” said one EU diplomat after the meeting.
“The frisson has gone.”
Eleven ’emergency’ summits culminated earlier this month in yet another high-level ‘crisis’ meeting, at which EU leaders urgently dropped everything to gather in Brussels to agree absolutely nothing yet again.
The post-summit ennui in the last week prompted EU capitals, lead by Germany, to finally agree just to bail everyone out once and for all.
“That way we can get back to bickering about copyright levies and dairy reform,” the EU diplomat said.
“Once you’ve spent four years staring into the abyss, you just start to yearn for a change in scenery really.”