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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

EU not one to blow its own cumquat, but …

The European Commission appears to have suddenly developed a highly evolved sense of irony.

Unfortunately it has also opened up plentiful opportunities for puns (see below*), as well as slurs on the mental capacity of its fonctionnaires and bosses, by deciding to inaugurate the 2009 European Year of Creativity and Innovation with …

“A Concert with Vegetables.”

Thus spake a commission spokesman today to a dumbfounded press room.

“Next Friday evening there is a Concert with Vegetables, that is for you. The press corps are expressly invited to attend this ‘concert of vegetables’ in the framework of the launch of the European Year of Creativity and Innovation” he told journalists.

Partners are allowed, apparently, but attendance is strictly on a ‘first-come-first-served basis’, he warned.

After a modicum of googling (which isn’t half as filthy as it sounds – at least it needn’t be), BM discovers that yes, in effect, we are to celebrate European creativity and innovation by watching a bunch of perhaps slightly unhinged but undoubtedly creative Austrian musoes perform on “carrot flutes, pumpkin basses, leek violins, cucumberophones, celery bongos”, and perhaps more worryingly, “leek-zucchini-vibrators.”

Details of the concert can be found here.

and more on the Vienna Vegetable Orchestra here and here

And thanks to the commission they’ll now be able to play on wonky vegetables too …

*Now, the puns:

[drum roll, played on a hollowed-out pumpkin …]

– That’s a turnip for the books – Did the news leek?

Songs are to include:

– Peas, peas me – The Beet-les – Marrow [is it me you’re looking for] – Lionel Peachy (rogue fruit element) – Roquette Man – Chicory Chicory Bok (Choy) – as sung by reknowned endiva Diana Cos – The Soundtrack to hit musical ‘Lentil’ – Rubarbara Streisand


– ‘Celery’, (like ‘Valerie’) – Anything by Shallot Church – The World in Onion – Salsify my soul – Sprout, Sprout, let it all out


– Every Grocer Wins – Nick Berry (more fruity incursions) – Watermelon Man – Herb-ie Hancock (idem)

um …

– Number one in the chards …

I am the eggplant, I am the …

carrot …

or … something … else …

corny …

(Load of old raddish)

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