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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

EU leaders pledge ‘not to harp on about it’

Leading EU institutional figures pledged late on Monday not to bang on and on about getting the Nobel Peace Prize this year.

“I mean, it’s not like its a big deal or anything,” said one.

“We’re not going to like throw it back in your face or anything every time something doesn’t go our way.”

The award, they insisted, was “not for us, but for the European people. You know, the people.”

The continent of 500 million deserved this recognition for not having killed each other for a while, they said.

And if national governments refused to grant a bigger centralised EU budget or more centralised powers of financial supervision, “far be it for us to start bandying around the ‘P’ word,” said one EU chief.

“It would be beneath us to seek to use this prize, which is for the people, as some kind of underpinning justification for the European project as a whole including all other initiatives unrelated directly to stopping people killing each other.”

“You won’t hear another word about this from us. No sir.”

“Not us.”

“This peace prize, highly esteemed and merited as it may be, will not come up again.”

“Humility is the watchword.”

“Not another mention of it.”

“This peace prize.”

“Nobel, peace prize.”

“That we, you know, well, effectively ‘won’.”

“Not a peep more.”

“We’ll just put it, modestly and humbly, in a new 100-million-euro museum.”

“And some are getting replicas and t-shirts made.”

“And there’s a 20 meter banner on the side of our building.”

“But apart from that, schtum.”

“Forget about it.”

“In fact, already forgotten.”

“This Nobel Peace Prize.”

“For the EU.”

“Nobel Peace Prize.”

“Previously won by Nelson Mandela”

“And Mother Therersa.”

“Yeah you can eat my Nobel Peace Prize ………………………………. fuckers”


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