EU in crisis as Juncker news runs dry

Europe is in crisis today – again – after it transpired that everything that could feasibly be written about EU top-job candidate Jean-Claude Juncker has now been written.

With the crumpled Luxembourger not even confirmed yet for the European Commission president job, journalists have already run out of words to use about him.

In any combination or order, factual, speculative, or completely made up.

Having exhausted absolutely all things Juncker-related in recent weeks, editors are wringing their hands over what to write if he actually gets the position – which has a five-year term.

“We’ve shot our wad, rather, haven’t we?” said one newsman.

“We’ve even used foreign words, but we’re now finding we’ve run completely dry.”

Journalists are hoping Juncker develops a new hobby, such as knitting or collecting Dr Who figurines, either of which could be spun out into several column inches of supposition about his character or suitability for the role.

BM