Brussels notes ‘disappointing’ implementation of Single European Swearword

In a draft report of the initiative seen by BM (‘Towards an SES – a Mid-Term Review – lessons learnt’) the EU sets out its “disappointment” at the lack of progress.

EU governments five years ago settled on the expletive “kuñardocz“ as a way for citizens to air grievances in a harmonised fashion across the bloc’s borders.

But take-up has been sluggish, the draft summit conclusions find.

“At a time of financial crisis, with protests and anger at austerity measures now a genuinely ‘European’ phenomenon, it is regretable that national differences in expression are hampering the process towards catharsis” the document states.

Setting out a Strategy for a Roadmap towards a Scoreboard for SES Implementation, the report suggests funding one of those snazzy promotional videos, for which the EU institutions have such a great reputation.

Souvenirs bearing witty slogans in all the EU’s languages are also to be made available, showcasing uses of kuñardocz.

These will include t-shirts and reinforced baseball caps saying “Keep Calm, Kuñardocz!” in Greek, and a toy ‘tickle-me Barroso’. If you rub his belly, he’ll reply with a limited vocabulary of ‘Jobs’ ‘Growth’ ‘Stability’ ‘kuñardocz’ and ‘I got a Nobel, do you?’.

Extra cultural funding will also be made available to dub existing national swearwords out of films and TV shows.