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  • Writer's pictureMartini Seltzermayr

Belgium to rename filet américain following, you know, everything

International events are leading Belgium to rename its most distinctive sandwich filling, filet américain.

The unappetising but surprisingly non-poisonous raw mince preparation will be rebranded as the northern European nation seeks to turn away from a country that is, it turns out, clueless.

“We remember well when the Americans renamed the French fry, which is by the way Belgian,” a spokesperson for the Federal Food Ministry told Berlaymonster. “The fear was that Paris’s unwillingness for military engagement would enable new forms of terrorism.”

“And, you know, well,” the spokesperson continued, gesturing vaguely at everything.

The recipe for "filet de la Liberté/Vrijheidsfilet", as it will now be known, remains a closely guarded secret, but its distinctive orange colour is believed to be a by-product of the Belgian nuclear programme.

Le Boeuf, L'Oeuf, La Liberté

In addition, under the edict, espresso coffee served with extra hot water will henceforth be known as a “café clusterfuck.”

Similar retaliation will be taken against the cuisines of the US’s military partners, the UK and Australia, as soon as intelligence officials can figure out exactly what they are.

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