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  • Writer's pictureBerlaymonster

Back to School for Bad Europeans

Updated: Jan 9, 2021

Naughty un-European citizens are to be sent for re-education at a new EU training center, under latest ideas plucked from thin air by tin-eared topcrats.

Building on the model of the eurocrat gravy-training academy the College of Bruges, the idea is for a mega corrective educational institute to instill European ‘values’. It’s understood the center will also incorporate EU summit events organiser Charles Michel’s idea of a School for Wayward Imams.

But it will also be a compulsory part of the training for anyone wanting to become an MEP or a national leader, so you don’t get people voting in the pesky shouty ones who make life a bit difficult.

Initial classes will involve sartorial education in twinsets and rollnecks with suits. Advanced lectures focus on the irreproachable rationale of qualified majority voting and the two acceptable forms of euroscepticism (jokes about the EESC and having a pop at Selmayr now he’s out of the picture).

The institution will have a tortured reverse-engineered acronym along the lines of “Ecole Normale Supérieure d’Ethique, Mœurs, Bureaucratie et Liberté Européenne”, and will bear the motto “United in Diversity [within a prescribed spectrum as set out in Commission Implementing Regulation (EU) 2020/1673 approving a common definition of ‘Diversity’ as set out in TFEU)”

The EU has set aside a budget of 1.5 million euros for the sign-writing alone.

Faculty Dean will be Margaritis Schinas with Manfred Weber head of the religious re-education department.

Council documents setting out the plans call for the European Commission to do the groundwork for the establishment of the school “if a viable and lasting vaccination remains elusive.”


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