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  • Writer's pictureMartini Seltzermayr

They Took Control of Their Fish

[To mark mock a momentous Brexit deal, guest contributor Martini Seltzermayr off-of the twitters has penned this epic verse]

So now the Brexit deal is done It won’t really please anyone. The end result - there is just one They took control of their fish

The final haul of all this wrangling, This grand UK-EU untangling? The Anglo-Saxons only angling

To take control of their fish.

At last, it seems, the Brits are free To claim their longed-for sovereignty The nation’s hopes now lie at sea They took control of their fish.

The Empire where the sun never set That once invented the Internet Its global dreams are now all wet The whole country has gone fishing.

Free trade was just a hope that scattered Zero tariffs never mattered Only that which can be battered Still lay in their ambition.

The outcome met with some resisting From titans with a FTSE listing How can our business keep existing? They asked their Chancellor Rishi.

What trade will stop the economy tanking? Restore our nation’s global ranking? Is it cars or tech or banking? The answer? Rather fishy.

Boris, schooled in the works of Seneca Pinned hopes not on Nissan or AstraZeneca But put his faith in the One True Cod And if like me you find it odd

That after the bluster and Churchillan words I See a deal that pleases only Captain Birdseye A destructive total break with Brussels For just a clutch of whelks and mussels

As though those angry Brexit voters Merely cared for pelagic quotas...

Well here’s the rub: a real crowd-pleaser Brussels’ response to the Johnson geezer? “The fish you catch will need a Visa To get to the EU.”

There will be further sovereign incursion We’ll see more breakaways emergin’ That slippery fish, the Scottish Sturgeon Will take control of you.

So when this history’s finally written We’ll start to see that Global Britain Looks even weaker than a kitten That took control of its fish.

Was it really worth the hassle? This bid to not be an EU vassal? More short-sighted than an eye test at Barnard Castle They took control of their fish.

[BM's hat well and truly doffed to Martini...]

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