[To mark mock a momentous Brexit deal, guest contributor Martini Seltzermayr off-of the twitters has penned this epic verse]
So now the Brexit deal is done
It won’t really please anyone.
The end result - there is just one
They took control of their fish
The final haul of all this wrangling, This grand UK-EU untangling? The Anglo-Saxons only angling
To take control of their fish.
At last, it seems, the Brits are free
To claim their longed-for sovereignty
The nation’s hopes now lie at sea
They took control of their fish.
The Empire where the sun never set
That once invented the Internet
Its global dreams are now all wet
The whole country has gone fishing.
Free trade was just a hope that scattered
Zero tariffs never mattered
Only that which can be battered
Still lay in their ambition.
The outcome met with some resisting
From titans with a FTSE listing
How can our business keep existing?
They asked their Chancellor Rishi.
What trade will stop the economy tanking?
Restore our nation’s global ranking?
Is it cars or tech or banking?
The answer? Rather fishy.
Boris, schooled in the works of Seneca
Pinned hopes not on Nissan or AstraZeneca
But put his faith in the One True Cod
And if like me you find it odd
That after the bluster and Churchillan words I
See a deal that pleases only Captain Birdseye
A destructive total break with Brussels
For just a clutch of whelks and mussels
As though those angry Brexit voters Merely cared for pelagic quotas...
Well here’s the rub: a real crowd-pleaser
Brussels’ response to the Johnson geezer?
“The fish you catch will need a Visa
To get to the EU.”
There will be further sovereign incursion
We’ll see more breakaways emergin’
That slippery fish, the Scottish Sturgeon
Will take control of you.
So when this history’s finally written
We’ll start to see that Global Britain
Looks even weaker than a kitten
That took control of its fish.
Was it really worth the hassle? This bid to not be an EU vassal? More short-sighted than an eye test at Barnard Castle They took control of their fish.
[BM's hat well and truly doffed to Martini...]