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Israeli spies puzzled by ‘inane’ contents of Reynders’ phone


Israeli spooks who managed to hack the phones of senior EU officials have pronounced themselves “baffled” at the meaningless string of gibberish they found there.


After spending billions on twenty-first century tech to reach deep into what they had always imagined were the corridors of power, Mossad operatives expressed disappointment to find mailboxes mostly detailing swanky lunch appointments.


At one stage in the operation spies’ hopes were raised when they found exchanges with justice commissioner Didier Reynders that appeared to be written in highly sophisticated code.


But the world’s most highly trained cryptographers gave up when confronted with classified briefings reading “CCD DA Trilogue (4th technical) (RPwS/Bat ASP4G002): CRP 2 compromise using LIBE Ams + GRI fiche Art 3.4 language.”


A commission spokesman seemed relaxed at the apparent breach of security protocols.


“Why the hell were they hacking the commissioner?” he said. “He’s always the last to know anything juicy.”


“Everyone knows that if we’ve got something we need to keep a tight lid on, we simply publish it on page 73 of a committee of the regions report and hey presto! gone forever,” he added.


Reynders has nonetheless been formally admonished for the breach. A security official reportedly told the commissioner that in future he should “black out anything sensitive,” before adding, “not your face, Didier.”


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